Church Terrorists Series | Part 1 of 3
Scripture: 3 John 1:9–10
There is a dangerous spirit that can take root in any church. It doesn’t always announce itself. It doesn’t always come shouting, threatening, or demanding attention. Sometimes it enters quietly, dressed in a Sunday suit, carrying a Bible, and wearing a friendly smile.
But over time, something begins to change. One person’s opinions become more important than the church’s mission. Decisions are made behind closed doors. People who disagree are pushed aside. New members stop feeling welcome. And before long, a congregation that was called to serve Christ finds itself serving somebody else’s ego.
I call it the spirit of a church terrorist.
Now, that’s strong language. But I want you to understand something: I’m not talking about somebody who simply has a different opinion. I’m talking about destructive, controlling behavior that divides the body of Christ, damages relationships, and interferes with the work God has called His church to do.
And before you start thinking about somebody else, I want you to ask yourself a question:
Could that spirit be operating in me?
Because the purpose of this message is not to condemn people. It’s to identify what is wrong, expose the damage it causes, and allow God to heal what has been broken.
Our Scripture comes from one of the shortest books in the Bible, 3 John. But don’t let its length fool you. There is a powerful warning in these verses.
In 3 John 1:9–10, the Apostle John writes about a man named Diotrephes:
“Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not.” — 3 John 1:9 (KJV)
John goes on to describe a man who rejected his authority, spread malicious words, refused to welcome fellow believers, and even drove people out of the church.
Think about that.
Here was a man operating within the church who had become an obstacle to the very ministry the church was supposed to carry out.
Diotrephes didn’t want to serve the church. He wanted to control it.
He loved having the first place. He wanted to be the most important voice in every conversation and the final authority in every decision.
And when somebody challenged his position, he used his influence to push them aside.
Church, that spirit didn’t die with Diotrephes.
It can show up in any congregation, in any generation, and in anybody who allows pride and selfish ambition to take the place of humility and service.
The first thing we must do is recognize controlling behavior for what it is.
You cannot address what you refuse to identify.
The Bible says Diotrephes loved to have the “preeminence.” That means he loved being first. He needed to be in charge. He wanted everybody to recognize his importance.
But the desire for control doesn’t always look the same.
Sometimes it’s loud. It’s the person who dominates every meeting, threatens to leave when things don’t go their way, or insists that nothing can happen without their approval.
Other times, it’s quiet.
It may be a longtime member who decides which newcomers will be accepted. It may be a ministry leader who refuses to make room for somebody else’s gifts. It may be someone who uses gossip to influence how others are perceived.
And yes, it can even operate from the pulpit.
The title doesn’t matter. The position doesn’t matter. The number of years you’ve been in the church doesn’t matter.
“When protecting your position becomes more important than serving God’s people, something is wrong.”
One of the things I’ve been studying is how unresolved emotional wounds affect our relationships.
Sometimes the person who needs to control everything is carrying hurt that has never been healed.
Maybe they experienced rejection. Maybe they were overlooked. Maybe somebody made them feel that their voice didn’t matter.
And instead of allowing God to heal that wound, they learned to protect themselves by controlling other people.
What began as pain becomes pride. What began as insecurity becomes manipulation. What began as a desire to belong becomes a determination to dominate.
But here’s the danger, church:
“A wounded person who refuses to seek healing can eventually wound an entire congregation.”
That’s why we must examine ourselves before we start examining everybody else.
Have I ever used gossip to control what people think about somebody?
Have I ever needed to have the last word just to feel important?
Have I ever made somebody feel unwelcome because I felt threatened by their gifts or abilities?
Have I ever put my personal preferences ahead of what God was calling the church to do?
These are uncomfortable questions. But spiritual growth requires honesty.
We cannot ask God to heal what we refuse to acknowledge.
Recognizing destructive behavior is only the beginning.
We must also understand what it costs the church when that behavior goes unchallenged.
Look again at Diotrephes.
John tells us that he spoke maliciously against church leaders, refused to receive fellow believers, and prevented others from welcoming them.
His behavior wasn’t simply a personality problem.
It was damaging the entire congregation.
And the same thing happens today when controlling behavior is allowed to continue unchecked.
When one person’s ego becomes the center of a congregation, people begin choosing sides.
Instead of working together, members become suspicious of one another. Conversations turn into gossip. Ministries compete rather than cooperate.
Before long, the church is spending more time managing conflict than carrying out its mission.
But God didn’t call us to build competing kingdoms inside His church.
He called us to be one body in Christ.
Ephesians 4:15 reminds us to speak the truth in love. That means we don’t ignore destructive behavior, but neither do we respond with cruelty or retaliation.
We confront what is wrong because we love the church enough to protect its unity.
Church, people outside these walls are watching.
They notice how we treat one another. They notice whether newcomers feel welcome. They notice whether our words on Sunday match our behavior throughout the week.
And when they see gossip, manipulation, favoritism, and division, what message are we sending about Jesus Christ?
Some people walk away from church not because they rejected God, but because they were wounded by people who claimed to represent Him.
That ought to trouble every one of us.
The church should be a place where hurting people can encounter the love of Christ, not a place where they must navigate somebody else’s need for power.
Think about the time, energy, and resources that get consumed when a congregation is constantly managing one person’s need for control.
Time that could be spent serving families.
Energy that could be spent reaching young people.
Resources that could be directed toward ministry, outreach, and helping our neighbors.
All of it gets swallowed up by unnecessary conflict.
And while the church is busy fighting itself, people outside its doors are still waiting to hear the Gospel.
“When we allow personal agendas to replace God’s mission, everybody loses.”
That’s why we must stop excusing behavior that needs to be confronted.
We cannot keep saying, “That’s just how they are,” when that behavior is hurting the body of Christ.
Love does not require us to pretend that something destructive is harmless.
Now, I want to be careful here.
Some of you have experienced genuine hurt in the church.
You may have been talked about, pushed aside, excluded, or made to feel that you didn’t belong.
I’m not telling you that your pain isn’t real.
“Your healing cannot depend on somebody else’s willingness to repent.”
And I’m telling you that responding to controlling behavior with more controlling behavior will not solve the problem.
You cannot heal division by creating more division.
You cannot defeat gossip by becoming a bigger gossip.
You cannot correct somebody else’s pride while refusing to confront your own.
As I like to remind the church, when you fight fire with fire, everybody gets burned.
Notice what the Apostle John does in 3 John 1:10.
He says:
“Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth.” — 3 John 1:10 (KJV)
John doesn’t ignore the wrongdoing. He doesn’t pretend it never happened. He makes it clear that Diotrephes’ actions will be addressed.
There is accountability.
But the lesson for us is that accountability must be exercised with the right spirit.
Biblical confrontation and forgiveness are not enemies. They belong together.
You can tell the truth about what somebody has done without allowing bitterness to take over your heart.
You can establish boundaries without seeking revenge.
You can hold someone accountable without becoming just as controlling as the person you’re confronting.
That’s what it means to speak the truth in love.
And that’s why, before you confront anybody else, I want you to do something important.
Pray. Examine your own heart. Ask God to show you what needs to change in you.
Not afterward. Not as an afterthought.
First.
Because if you enter a difficult conversation carrying your own unresolved bitterness, you may simply bring another form of the same problem into the room.
Before we ask God to deal with the Diotrephes in somebody else, we need to ask whether there’s any Diotrephes in us.
Is there a need to control?
A need to be first?
A need to always be right?
A need to receive recognition?
A need to make sure everybody knows how important we are?
Church, these questions aren’t meant to beat you down.
They’re meant to open the door for God to do some healing.
We all have areas where pride can creep in. We all have wounds that need attention. We all have moments when our flesh wants to take control.
But the good news is that we don’t have to remain that way.
I couldn’t preach a message about humility and leave you believing that you can accomplish it through your own strength.
Because the truth is, every one of us has a natural tendency to put ourselves first.
But Jesus showed us another way.
Think about the contrast between Diotrephes and Jesus Christ.
Diotrephes wanted to be first. Jesus came to serve.
Diotrephes used his influence to push people away. Jesus welcomed those whom others rejected.
Diotrephes sought power over people. Jesus gave His life to save people.
Philippians 2:3–5 calls us to reject selfish ambition, value others above ourselves, and have the same mind that was in Christ Jesus.
That’s the example we’re called to follow.
And that’s why the answer to the spirit of control isn’t simply better church policies, stronger personalities, or more arguments.
Those things cannot change the human heart.
The answer is Jesus Christ.
He went to Calvary for our sins. He endured the cross. He died so that we might be forgiven and made new.
And He rose again with all power in His hands.
The same Savior who forgives our sins can transform our hearts.
He can heal the wounds that drive our need for control.
He can replace pride with humility.
He can teach us to love people without needing to dominate them.
He can help us confront wrongdoing without becoming consumed by bitterness.
And He can restore what division has damaged.
Church, I didn’t bring this message to you so that we could spend the rest of the week identifying everybody else’s faults.
I brought it because I love the church.
And because I believe God has called us to something greater than gossip, power struggles, and personal agendas.
We have work to do.
We have people to reach, families to serve, and lives to touch with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
But we cannot move forward together if we’re allowing the spirit of Diotrephes to hold the congregation hostage.
So let’s identify destructive behavior.
Let’s expose the damage it causes.
Let’s confront what needs to change with courage, love, and humility.
And above all, let’s begin with ourselves.
Because the church belongs to Jesus Christ. Not to the pastor. Not to the deacons. Not to the trustees. Not to the person who has been here the longest.
It belongs to Christ.
And when we remember whose church this really is, we can stop fighting for control and start working together for His glory.
“The question isn’t simply whether there’s a Diotrephes in the church. The question is whether we’re willing to let God remove the Diotrephes in us.”
May God search our hearts, heal our wounds, and make us the church He has called us to be.
Amen.
Church Terrorists | A Sermon Series
This article is Part 1 of a three-part series by Pastor Robert N. Lauderdale Sr. exploring the behaviors that threaten church unity and how we can build a healthier, Christ-centered church family.
Coming Next: Part 2 — Church Terrorists: The Gatekeepers Who Keep People Out
